It is our duty to balance the health of our nation with the health of our body. It is for this reason, I smoke fags. I smoke fags because the amount of stress relieved with one fag is greater than the damage the tar and smoke does to my lungs. Not only that, but the fags ability to calm my nerves and calm my thoughts replaces any psychotropic drug I may need to digest. It’s a health benefit, smoking fags.

And Smoking a fag gives me great pleasure. There are few things that give me greater pleasure than seeing the cherry glow of the first fag of the day. After blowing out its smoke, the world is balanced. My chaotic thoughts are calmed. My life feels complete. Now I would deny this in public. In fact, there are those who say I am a closeted fag smoker, but let me assure you, the people, I am not a closeted fag smoker. I only enjoy my medication to be taken in private.

That’s why I have included into every Government Motor vehicle a fag lighter that is tax deductible. I have also included a clause to let members of the Government Insurance Insurance to receive free chest and lung tests because if fags give me great pleasure and life then we can not deny that pleasure to the young people of these United States.

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